Recently I have been on yet another rollercoaster as I uncovered a long standing abandonment belief that I had been holding.
It had started off with me being triggered into it through communications with a dear friend. As I started to unravel it through conversation, I could see clearly the behaviours and emotions that were being stirred and see the pattern throughout my life of these same responses.
That I could never be loved unconditionally, that at the first opportunity I would be left abandoned and alone.
That I needed reassurance that love still existed, but believing that to express this pain was to be ‘needy and female’ and therefore inferior and weak.
Now I have done years of healing, So I was surprised at the intensity of this one, and yet it wasn’t until I had a kinesiology session that evening that I realised the depth of the belief – this wasn’t just me, Anna, that was holding this, it was an aspect of my soul.
No wonder I hadn’t shifted it yet.
What I uncovered went back to a time when I was actively suicidal as a teenager. I was absolutely resolute in my conviction that I wanted to die. I still remember to this day, how calm I was, after taking all the pills I could find, as I went to sleep, with the firm belief that I would never wake up.
Luckily I was very naïve and had no idea what it took to overdose successfully and so I instead I woke up very ill indeed.
However as aspect my soul was left feeling incredibly abandoned and uncared for by spirit. That I had reached this point of desperation and as such part had disassociated and was no longer integrated with the rest of my soul.
To clear this felt huge and almost immediately I felt a weight lift from me. One that I never realised had always been there.
What I felt in its place was gratitude because in that moment, I realised that every challenge and trigger that I am experiencing on this journey of spiritual awakening, was a gift.
As I cleared each trauma and limiting belief held in my body, as I moved through the emotion and tears, I was allowing myself to open just that little bit more.
Open to give and receive just a little bit more love.
Open to express my truth and my gifts, just a little bit more. Open to be who I truly am, just that little bit more.
And by doing this, I am enabling myself to offer more to my clients. Increase my ability to hold space and energy for them, to facilitate deeper healing and offer clearer guidance. To offer them more love and compassion through their healing journey, as I had been there too.
It does feel like a never ending journey, it can feel like you will never heal, that every few days a different wound or grief will come to the surface.
But now, I am welcoming them, rather than fearing or dreading them.
Now I am seeing them for the gifts that they truly are and the prize that awaits at the other side of the healing.
Just a little bit more of me being able to shine in the world.
I would love to hear your thoughts and any experience you may have had around this and how this resonates with you. Please post any comments that you have below or you can email me.
Anna Carson, Kinesiologist
PS If you would like to explore and release any of your own deeply held beliefs, that you know are no longer serving you, then you can book a 90 minute Kinesiology Session using this link: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=12875971&appointmentType=2017222